Cole - A child? Oh no
by Servatia
Summary: Title says it. Spoilers and a rant inside. Non-fiction.


_So, Cole._

_I am not quite through DA:I yet, but seeing how I'll probably end up writing something and will very likely do the one thing that might get me verbally flayed by the community, I'll write this now, in advance, and refer back to it when the time comes._

_The following text will contain spoilers._

_I made the horribly stupid mistake to look through the internet on the matter, and found … things. And they got me self-conscious enough to get into a small rant, or rather, if you like, a justification. The fact that I feel compelled to do so is worrying by itself._

_Gaider, author of _Asunder_, said Cole has the mind of a child. I didn't know that when my mind went to the Cole-romance-place. I didn't know that he was in a novel either. I am now in the process of reading _Asunder_, and so far, my first impression of him hasn't changed. That is neither Gaider's fault, nor my own. It's a matter of perception. Being in customer service, I'll point out that the intention with which something was communicated matters little. The only important thing is how it was perceived. That is true in all matters of communications, from what I tell my customers to what an author tells his audience. In the end, what was meant is irrelevant for the individual that comes up with their own interpretation. If a customer says that I was rude, then that is at least true for this one person. If I, the reader, say a piece of fiction is misogynistic, then that is true for me. And if the author tells me a hundred times that this is not what he intended, it's still what I perceived. However, that doesn't mean that the text (or the author) is, objectively, misogynistic._

_From the moment Cole showed up to warn me about the assault on Haven, I thought neuroatypical. When I found him on the wall in Skyhold, tapping his foot against it, I thought it again. As I did in pretty much every single conversation with him._

_Is a person with autism a child? Is a person with autism unable to consent?_

_I found Solas rather patronising when he talked about abuse and I positively joined Cole in his yell of frustration. Don't get me wrong, I was horrified at the idea to bind Cole! But abuse? Not really. Just the wrong solution._

_To come back to my two questions above: If so, that would make me the result of abuse, too. My father is definitely neuroatypical while I like to consider myself a near miss. Perhaps that is why I find the notion that Cole cannot consent highly irritating. He's not a child. He's not mentally retarded._

_What is he, then? A spirit of compassion, if we can believe Command in Crestwood. He's probably millennia old. He's a stranger. He considers himself male. While he never complains when Sera calls him 'it', he's touched the one time she doesn't, so we know that. Cole is simply very foreign, and if you make him more human, someone who tries to be more real, as he puts it. Is a foreigner a child or unable to consent?_

_I agree that a romance with Cole before his personal quest would be questionable because he wouldn't consent. Wouldn't. Not couldn't. He simply has absolutely no interest except as an observer. He does watch, you know. He watches in _Asunder_. He watches Dorian and the Iron Bull and teases them:_

Cole: He almost says the word, sometimes. 'Katoh'. He tastes it in his mouth, sweet release a breath away, tongue tying it tenderly, like you tie him. But he doesn't, for you. And for him. Because it makes it mean more, a fuller feeling, a brighter burst.

[…]

Dorian: Bull and I are consenting adults. There's nothing wrong with what we choose to do in bed.

Cole: Not just in bed! Sometimes it's up against the wall. Once on the war table.

_And don't be fooled, he knows exactly what he's doing. When the Iron Bull wants to hook him up with a girl, though, he has absolutely no interest in sex. Instead, he does what he does best: he helps._

_I also agree that if you let him become more of a spirit, it's out of the question. But if we let Varric do his thing, help him grow? Why not? It would be slow and different and emotionally dangerous. It would be very easy to abuse him, because he's so artless, so awfully honest, and I don't think he really gets why anyone would lie and cannot see when someone does. So it would be incredibly dangerous for Cole. That is also true for a neuroatypical person._

_Another thought: Cole is perfectly able to express his opinion. Try and take him with you to the Wardens, conscript them. See what he has to say. He's quite outraged, and if you go and ask him about it after his personal quest, he still is – at least, if you make him more human – and is quite firm on the matter, too. I don't see why you would consider him unable to consent. He is certainly able to object._

_So, as far as I'm concerned, no. A romantic relationship with him is not necessarily abuse. Too complex for an ingame LI, perhaps, but even there I'm not too sure. I'd have loved it. And I won't censor my thoughts._

_Rant over._


End file.
